What its like to travel alone – 3 months in

So it’s been just over 3 months since I started my travelling adventure and I have done so much with this time.

I’ve had 3 jobs (ok 2 of them I only did for a week and I have just started my third one) I have met so many amazing people and seen some pretty amazing things.

I have definitely settled into it all now and I am feeling like I am home already.

It hasn’t all been sunshine and smiles though, I have certainly had my down moments, it’s made me realise a lot of the bad things about myself that I didn’t really address when I was at home, because I had so much comfort to fall back on there. But here when I have been sad I only have myself to work that out with. Yes I have met some truly amazing people who have helped me out of course but at the end of the day it’s only me who can overcome any of the things I feel sad about.

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So what have I learnt?

Coming away has bought a lot of deep set feelings to the front of my mind, especially with the way I view myself. I’m not saying I have dealt with everything at all quite far from it but it has definitely made me have a good hard look at myself.

I have been feeling homesick and missing all my family and friends a lot, I love everyone that I have met along my travels so far but it’s also made me realise how great everyone I have back home is. I know a lot of people don’t have a massive group of close friends to go back to and that don’t message them a lot and I also know my family is huge and it’s made me appreciate everyone back home so much more.

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I have also been able to deal with a lot of pain that I had built up to do with ex boyfriends, again I won’t go into loads of detail but I have not had much luck with men, they always seem to hurt me or use me and I have been dealing with all the baggage I have built up with that most recently.

When the New Year kicked in instead of coming up with lots of crazy plans to get fit and quit smoking etc. I decided that my new year’s plan would to be – be happy more, and not let everything get to me so much. I have spent a lot of time the past few months feeling a bit down about all of this and making me question the person I am. I always worry if people like me and I have felt a bit out of place where I am at the moment, but I know that’s down to me looking at things in the wrong way.

Not everyone will be on the same page as me and I will meet people who will get on my nerves or who will treat me in not the best kind of ways.

I think I had it in my head that I would come away and everything would be amazing from start to finish and that everyone else who was travelling would also be really nice and I wouldn’t have any problems with anyone because everyone is in the same mind frame, well that’s not the case at all.

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But now instead of me letting myself feel upset about the person I am or the way people have treated me I am trying to look at these things more as something to learn from. I was so happy back home, and why? Because I let my self be. I was finally comfortable with the person I was and I also let myself accept that people loved me as much as I loved them. Something that I had never been able to do before. I always felt like there was something wrong with me and that people would never love me because I’m well let’s face it – a bit of a strange one! But I managed to realise that that was a good thing. When I came away I was thrown out of the comfort of the people around me who I knew accepted me for who I was and was thrown into a mix of new people who didn’t really know me properly, some who have not been that nice to me at times and that made me start to backtrack on the happy feeling I had and again start to feel bad about myself.

Looking at it all from my new perspective now I realise that in order to go forwards sometimes we need to take a step back and that’s ok.

Not everyone is going to like me and that’s also ok, some people will use me, some people will just not like me and that’s just the way of life. What I can do is recognise when someone is not good for me to have in my life and learn from it so it won’t happen again.

My problem is that I care about people a lot, I fall in love easily be that in relationships or friends (I can honestly say that I am 100% head over heels in love with all of my friends and family) and I will also do just about anything for people that I love. Sometimes people will take advantage of that and I was thinking do I start being not so nice and not doing nice things for people? No because that’s not me! I just need to recognise when to stop with certain people and I also need to improve on taking a step away from people who are not good for me. I know I need to work on this more.

Although I think I have got better with this over the past year anyway but now that I realise this I can improve on it even more.

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I also managed to put myself out there and go and do a job which I knew I would hate, fundraising.

Trying to speak to random people on the street with social anxiety was horrible, my heart was pounding, and I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time. It was not fun at all but I did it and I stuck with it longer than I wanted to because I knew it would be good for me as a person. I don’t always want to be this shy person who is scared of meeting people because they will judge me.  I need to realise people are going to judge me no matter what I do or say so I may as well be myself.

I do feel really happy at the moment, I have stopped caring so much what people think about me but every day is not going to be like that I know that. But if I can feel happy and be myself the majority of the time then that’s all that matters. And even though it’s only been a few days since I have had this wonderful epiphany I feel like something is different this time, I feel like I am stronger for it and like I’m on a good path!

Well I think that can be all for now, all in all a very difficult but also amazing few months and I know that everything from here on out is going to be all for the best. Everything happens for a reason (well I think so anyway) and you just need to treat everything and everyone that comes into your life as a lesson, be that a lesson to learn when to back away and be selfish for yourself or they may be able to help you in some kind of way or you help them.

Time to love life and everything in it and carry on learning.

 

 

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New years plans

I last updated last week on Sunday and the day after that was when I decided my New Year plan would go into place which was sort myself out, get a job and get my life back on track!

I spent most of the day on the Monday searching for jobs and I actually managed to get a call back this time and from quite a few places! I guess everyone was just not wanting to employ people so close to Christmas. The agencies I managed to get call backs from were Chandler Macleod and Randstad. Then everything else I heard back from were just ads on gum tree or on seek.

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I got a call back from a café job asking me to come in for an interview and then he changed his mind and just asked me to come in for a trial shift as I was pretty (I have my pic on my CV) so that was nice thanks mate haha. Although I didn’t end up going because I managed to get another job before I was supposed to do that.

For the next few days I went to agencies and applied and Chandler Macleod asked me if I wanted to apply for a job with Australia post, which of course I did. Although they told me that I would be in the complaints department dealing with all of the customer complaints which scared me, but it’s a job and good money and I’m not really in a position to say no at the moment.

So I applied for that and they asked me to go for a medical for it which the company paid for so I went to that and that was a strange experience in its self. I had my eyes tested and my hearing done, i had to do squats and have my reflexes tested (for an office job??) I also had to have a diabetes test done where I had to pee into a jar and that worried me as just before I went to the appointment I may have had a few balloons, but a quick google search at the surgery I found out that it wouldn’t show up on test anyway unless they were specifically looking for that. Phewww

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After I left the medical I walked back through the city and accidentally went clothes shopping, well the sales were on and yes they did drag me in. but I didn’t spend too much and to be honest I was quite surprised with the prices as everything is so expensive here I was thinking even in the sales the clothes would be pricy! But I managed to get most stuff for $5 each which was good!

Then Friday came and I found out that I definitely had the job and I would be starting on Monday. Wooppty doo!! So obviously I had to celebrate. And also it was Dean’s birthday so we had to go out for that too!

We went out for a few drinks and had a good night, you can hear more about that night HERE (amongst other things) – but this one is password protected because I’m writing about something that I know will let’s say ‘not go down too well’ here, its staying that way for a while, so if you want the password then ask and I shall decide if you are worthy of it or not.

What I will say about that night here is that I got so unbelievably drunk I literally got to the point where I could not walk or see or talk. And yes the spliff probably no definitely had a lot to do with that. I had to drag my sorry body to the bathroom to throw up for a while and then passed out.

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The next day was spent on the sofa dying mainly, everyone else was basically in the same boat, and we had all said we were going to go to Mt Coot-tha but in the dying state everyone was in we should have known that was never going to happen.

Sunday was pretty much the same thing, lots of lazing around not doing much. Although I was rather productive with getting all my shopping in and getting everything ready for my new job the next day.

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Monday up till now has been spent at work in the day doing training ready to go on the phones, I did find out that I won’t be dealing with customer complaints which Is good. I am going to be dealing with passport bookings mainly and tracking people’s parcels, so not really anything to hard. Although today was the first day they let me on the phones to talk to customers and it was rather scary, but after the second call my heart stopped pounding and I relaxed into it and wasn’t all that bad.

Its only talking to people on the phone after all, how scary is it? If they start shouting at me I transfer that onto someone else. And that’s all to say about my past week really. I won’t really know if I like the job etc. until next week but I know it won’t be too bad after today and I will stick this one out as its good money, $28.74 an hour! Which is crazy, and means I will be able to top my travel fund up quite a bit for now.

I have also wrote an update on just me and what’s changed about me as a person etc. after 3 months away, I know it’s been a while since I did one of those. So if you want to read about that one then click HERE.

Ooo also….I got an email from someone saying that they are finding some pages on my site loading really slowly, I did try to respond but the messaged bounced back, I’m thinking it’s my older posts as I was using larger photos then which take up more space and load slower. But if anyone has any problems loading any of my pages could you let me know which ones please so I can sort them out.

 

Thank you

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Let it all out

So this one is going in as read at your own risk and it’s also password protected because I know that certain people will probably read this and have a few things to say about it. But I swore I would write about everything and that is what I am going to do!

And until I am no longer having to live with him then its staying password protected and I will limit the people who can read it.

So where to begin??

Well this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there and I will tell you a story of a prince who turned out to be a BELLEND.

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So obviously I have mentioned a boy called Tom in a previous post, well he found out that I had wrote about him and wasn’t too happy about it so I didn’t write anymore because I really liked him and didn’t want to piss him off any more than I seemed to. See that’s the thing…..I seem to just piss him off all the time.

One minute he would be really nice to me and the next minute he would act like I didn’t exist or even want to speak to me, things were going back and forth for a while mainly with the weekends or when he was drunk being when he wanted to speak to me or at least act like he wanted to.

Me being me I fell for these times when he was nice not really wanting to accept that he was only being nice to me because he wanted sex (well I am pretty good at so who can blame him haha)

He would talk to me and tell me that he was scared and didn’t want to get into anything that wasn’t going to last which is exactly what I had said at the beginning but of course again me being me I was blinded by the insanely sexy body and thought that because we were in fact having sex that meant that he did actually want something with me, and it would be great for the time we spent together – (having sex) and then he would leave and go back to his room or somewhere and I would be left alone to think ‘hmmm why has he left me?’

Yes I know it seems so plain to see when I write it all down that he was in fact using me the whole time and had no intentions what so ever of getting close to me!

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Even everyone else said to me that I should have more respect for myself and not do anything with him because he treated me like shit and was obviously using me, but I would just hang onto the times when we were actually spending time together, I liked being close to him and I liked it when we were alone because he was nice to me. And on paper he was perfect for me. He is BEAUTIFUL, he was really nice to everyone (but me), he did charity work, plays sports, makes music, seems close with his family, everything that he is made me want him even more.

I even asked him out on a date because I thought that maybe he was just scared or waiting for me to make the first move for asking him out properly but that went down the drain, firstly he didn’t seem that interested in it and then he said yes but the next day didn’t mention it at all and ended up going out with the lads in his room!

You would think that I would have stopped here…..but no not me! I was so infatuated with him I was basically lying to myself telling myself that he was only being like that because he was scared blah blah blah…..

It was only last week that I finally came to my senses, although before that we had started sleeping together again and he was being really nice to me until one day when he was sat at the smoking table with everyone talking about going to the pub for food and I heard this asked if he was going to the pub he said no and walked off – where to?? To the pub of course!

Then the next day seemed to be ignoring me, why?? I have absolutely no idea, he just suddenly decides from one day to the next if he hates me or if he doesn’t and the majority of the time he seems to hate me. I really don’t know why as I am nice to him. I never speak to him any different than I do anyone else yet I get spoken to like shit! – Getting angry while writing this – can you tell?

So the day after that happened we all went out and he got drunk and decides to shout across the table to me asking me why I look like I have been punched in the face because of my Smokey eye makeup. I didn’t really answer just got upset and told Amy what he had said and then a little while later he came and sat next to me. When he sat next to me he said another cocky remark and I stood up and walked to the bar to get a drink and just ignored him.

When I got back he apologised to me but it wasn’t really an apology more of a – so I’m sorry but not sorry kind of apology. The funny thing about this was that he only apologised because one of the lads had told him that he was being unfair to me. I said to Amy over and over again that even though she sticks up for me and tells him he hasn’t been nice he won’t listen because she is a girl and none of the boys say anything to him, even though they have said to me they know he treats me like shit!

TELL HIM GUYS PLEASE!!

So as soon as one of them said he was being unfair he soon changed his tune, he started being nice to me. But I had had enough by then! And everyone was telling me to stay away from him and definitely NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM!!

We all carried on drinking and then walked back to the hostel where he was trying to talk to me on the way back saying that he really liked me but didn’t want to go further with me because we both have different plans etc., and then we sat in front of the hostel and I told him that plans can always be changed nothing is set in stone at least for me anyway. After a few more minutes of talking I said to him that I really liked him but couldn’t carry on having sex as it wasn’t fair on me and that I didn’t want to be used. He obviously didn’t like this so got up and walked off as he does best.

HE NEVER LETS ME SPEAK – EVER!!

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I then felt a bit upset so I sat there rolled a fag and had a bit of a cry when the lads came out the front for a spliff, they told me to join and gave me a hug which was nice, including Luke who is basically Tom’s only love out here, and who I assume Tom moans to about me telling him how much of a crazy bitch I am etc. so I thought that he didn’t like me very much because of all of this.

I had a few drags on the spliff which sent me over the edge – me smoking weed while drunk = FUCKED!! I could hardly walk or speak or anything but we decided to go to the park and do some balloons, while we were there Tom kept sending me messages asking me to please talk to him and please don’t ignore him and then kept trying to call me.

They all told me to ignore him which I did and I couldn’t even see properly anyway to reply. We go back to the hostel and I have to crawl to the bathroom to be sick for around an hour! It was not fun! Eventually drag myself back to bed and pass out.

When I woke up the next morning I sent him a message saying sorry and that we can talk now if he wanted to but that I’m guessing he won’t want to (as he is sober). He was still asleep and a few hours later I thought I would just send him a long message telling him everything as I know he wouldn’t want to talk to me or even if he did he probably wouldn’t let me speak.

The message basically said that I really liked him but that I didn’t want to be just having sex, and that he needed to make his mind up what he wanted and stick to it all the time, not just decide he wants me when he’s drunk! It’s not fair on me. I didn’t want to fall in love with someone who was never going to feel the same way about me and if I carried on then I would.

I said that I knew we had different plans but that plans can always be changed, as I know I would change mine for someone if I thought it was worth it and was going to go somewhere. I also said that I want more than just sex in the shower and then to be left to go to bed. I want someone who will be nice to me, take me on dates, hold my hand, sleep in the same bed as me etc. and I don’t think it’s a bad thing for me to want any of that.

Anyways….he then wakes up reads the message and basically ignores me, I try speaking to him later on that night and he just seems angry and like he doesn’t want to talk to me. Surprise surprise.

So I sent him one last message saying that I didn’t understand how he can go from wanting to talk to me the night before to wanting nothing to do with me but that I guess he has made his mind up about what he wants and that’s nothing to do with me. He didn’t respond and has basically ignored me since then or acted like a child towards me, such as making only me say please to having a coffee, or when he mentioned a video on YouTube about some guy eating duck and pancakes, I said ‘oh yeah I think I’ve seen that one, where he shoves it straight in his face? He then moans at me for ruining the whole video

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It’s really annoying because I do still feel like I really like him but I know that’s a lie! When I think about it all properly I don’t like him, he’s horrible to me, uses me, ignores me, and makes me feel like shit and blames everything going wrong on me! Is that someone I want to be with? Nope not really!

So I know that these feelings are based on who I thought he was and obviously the sexy body! And possibly the fact of the dick yes!

Although I have had better! It’s not amazing!

It’s not bad at all but he could improve greatly in certain areas that’s for sure! For instance…..

Licking me out…..that probably had a big factor into why I like him so much too! Men these days are so selfish and only seem to care about getting themselves off! Not him, he did like to make sure I was seen to but he was too rough!

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IT’S A SENSITIVE PLACE FELLA’S! WHICH MEANS YOU NEED TO BE GENTLE!!! SLOW AND GENTLE DOES THE TRICK ALL THE TIME!!!!

Sucking on it like you’re trying to suck up a McDonald’s extra thick milkshake – not so much! It hurts and puts us off our game!!

Also trying to shove 4 fingers inside me straight away with no foreplay is also going to hurt!!

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I am not a wide loading machine, you need to at least turn me on so I’m lubricated first please!!

I’m not going to say it was all bad at all, it was rather good. His lips were delightful (although he does go straight in for the tongue which sometimes it’s nice not too shove your tongue straight to the back of a girl’s throat! It can be a bit surprising!)

Also as I said he did make it all about me which I am not going to complain at all, I think more men should do this instead of just getting themselves off and us being extremely horny just to hear them groan and say they have just shot their load!

COME ON GUYS!! SORT IT OUT!

But yes as I said he was very good with making it about me, lots of kissing, lots of body rubbing and the occasional hair pulling and hands around the throat (yes we like it rough sometimes, just not too rough please it’s not a wrestling match!)

I probably should stop this one here as I now want to lick his stupidly sexy body again!!!

No Sami!! No no no no!!!

 

 

 

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Christmas and New Year in Australia

Christmas Eve began for me with my spa day at Stephanie’s spa which you can read about HERE.

When I left the spa it was absolutely chucking it down so I refused to walk to get a bus with my new silky skin and hair, so I got an Uber taxi back to the hostel. As soon as I walked through the door there was Seb on the balcony offering me a shot of whisky! I don’t really do whiskey but its alcohol and it Christmas eve so why the hell not! As soon as I had done the shot I went off to the shop and got my booze ready for the next few days.

I had a few drinks when I got back and then we all went off to Coles to buy the food for Christmas day and even more alcohol from the bottle shop! After a few cheeky drinks we all go to bed relatively early so we can enjoy the next day.

Christmas day was a very strange one for me. It was my first Christmas away from home and it was spent by the pool, having a Bbq and drinking lots and lots of booze! Who knew I could get a tan on Christmas day hey! We had lots of food like ribs, fish, salad, onion rings and of course lots of chocolates and cheese and biscuits! (Well it is Christmas after all)

As we had all done secret Santa we waiting for Terhi and Julius to get back from the gym! I know right!! Gym on Christmas day? What is going on?? Its fat day! But they finally got back around 2ish and we all sat down together at the smoking table and opened all our secret Santa presents.

Everyone ended up in bed quite early as we did all start drinking really early and with nowhere to go out until midnight we couldn’t really all hack staying awake and thought we would save it for boxing day, after all at home boxing day is a big night so we thought this would be the same over here.

Boxing day was spent shopping in the city for me as I needed a new bikini and headphones and the boxing day sales were on, this was however not a great experience as everywhere was so busy especially on queen street it was almost impossible to move and I really don’t like feeling like a sardine in a can! I even went into H&M where I was trying to make my way over to the shorts section but it was so busy I couldn’t get there so I thought I would look at some dresses while I was waiting, I picked up a dress to look at when I get shoulder barged out the way and some crazy woman grabs the dress I am looking at and says its hers! (Oh I’m sorry I didn’t realise that this dress that was on the rails in a fucking shop was yours). I then think

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!

And I left! Why on earth do people get so crazy on the sales? They do generally last for more than one day people! And they are only clothes not the be all and end all of life! Get a grip man!!

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So I head back to the hostel and try my new bikini out in the pool which you can see above! and chill for a bit until it gets a bit later and we all decide to go out for post-Christmas drinks. I get my beautiful red dress on and rock the Christmas earrings I got sent over from my family (well duh), and off we go.

It was so dead for Boxing Day, I wasn’t prepared for how quiet it was, and there I am all dressed up with nowhere to go. But we drink and drink some more and at least get ourselves feeling nice and drunk which is always in my book a very good thing. Then go over to a karaoke bar where I put our names down to sing proud Mary (what else would we sing?) but they take too long to call our names out and we get bored and go back to the hostel to bed.

The next few days were spent not doing much at all, lots of pool and lots of sofa time until the 30th which was Luke’s Birthday, so a few of us head down into the city to go to an Irish bar where I get to drink a glass of Guinness for the first time in forever and it tasted oh so good! They also played Galway girl which made me get very excited. After lots of drinks and meeting some rather strange women wearing vampire coffin necklaces, me leaving my phone unattended for the boys to take hundreds of dark photos for me to find and delete the next day we head back to the hostel. Sit around at the table and have a spliff and a couple more drinks and then finally drag ourselves to bed.

New Year’s Eve

I woke up feeling like death, but after eating I pull myself together and start to feel normal again.

I go into the office to extend my stay and I get told that they are cracking down on alcohol as you are not allowed to drink in this hostel. They tell me if we are caught drinking then we will get chucked out the hostel without any refunds. Party poopers or what!!

So as I do, go to the bottle shop and buy a bottle of wine and some beer, although I was a good girl and got ready and went to the park to drink instead of at the hostel where I was joined by everyone else. We sat there and watched the first round of fireworks and finished off our drinks where I discovered I had downed a bottle of wine! (No wonder I felt so drunk by the end of the night) and then we all walked down to the Irish bar we had gone to the night before. Where lots of drink and lots of dancing happened.

We saw in the new year standing by the bridge watching the fireworks which were pretty good and then walked over to Hungry Jack’s to get some food before walking back to the hostel.

When we got back to the hostel we sat at the table and had a few more drinks and I had a few drags on a spliff which sent my head spiralling, I could actually feel my whole body spinning which was not good, I thought I would go upstairs and lie down for 5minutes and sort my head out and get back up but obviously that did not happen. I got into bed and completely passed out until the next day.

So that’s it really, a very different but still a very good Christmas and New Year.

And today it is the 3rd Jan, last night I decided that because I did not see my old friend Mandy on Christmas day or New Year that I would treat myself to some balloons! (Laughing gas) so they have been purchased and should arrive on Wednesday which I cannot wait for! I have not done them for so long, one of my favourite photos back home doing them is below, when we managed to fit 10 girls into one bathroom cubical and do balloons! god I miss my amazing friends back home so bad!

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I also got woken up today by the manager of the hostel telling me that I had to move out because they saw I had alcohol under my bed, but it was an empty box (filled with empty bottles of course) from Christmas day! I got upset and spoke to her and asked her to let me stay and she said yes.

I think we kind of all overdid it the last week, everyone has been drinking and quite openly at that so I think they are just a bit fed up of how many of us there are that are staying for a while and taking the piss a bit! But I think we have not been that bad but obviously that is just my opinion. But I know that the one bitch woman that works here just seems to hate everyone and seems to have a stick up her arse!! Think she needs to get some serious dick in her life and stop being such a miserable cow! All she does is moan at everyone all the fucking time!

Well the good thing is, is that she is leaving for a few weeks tomorrow so at least we don’t have to deal with her being so moany all the time!

Plan for tomorrow is to job hunt, job hunt, and job hunt all day long! I seriously need to find work now my money is going down (maybe I shouldn’t have spent so much on balloons but there is no going back now and they will be mine! Oh yes they will be mine) woooppppppp

Anyway if you want to see the rest of the pics from Xmas and New Year then here is the link to my Facebook album just click HERE

Peace out bitches 🙂

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